For the blog where I get all philosophical and stuff, go here: Socrates' Closet

Hi there.

My name is William Sisskind, and I am a poor college student.

This is a catch-all of the random thinkings and ponderments that I have over the course of the day. There are many. A hojillion, if you will.

I am an expert at many types of cheeses, I remodel old computers to make humans their dirty slaves, and I enjoy sipping monkey picked tea whilst watching the execution of wanted criminals.

I also do this webshow: You should check it out. Sorry, scratch that. You must check it out. Pigeons will peck out your eyes at my command if you don't.

No, I will not date you.

  1. According to my research, I always wanted this to be my school. But nooo.

  2. I’ll be writing a bunch of short sketches to film over the summer.

    Anyone have any ideas?

  3. THIS GUY

    He’s coming to my hometown for the New York State Fair on August 28th.

    I will be filming a documentary that same day called: “The Zoo: Ten Thousand Screaming Primal Girls Who Just Hit Puberty.”

  4. I had a dream last night

    About South Park, stem cell research, and every mainstream or Disney Channel mega super star being forced into coitus with each other by a machine. Oh, and Miley Cyrus wouldn’t stop clinging on me.

    What. The. Hell. Please help me.

  5. A Word To The Wise

    No, Will. Those girls in bikins are only thirteen. THIRTEEN, WILL. What self respecting legal chick would go to an indoor waterpark?

    Anyway, they’re jailbait. Don’t let them fool you. Especially if they invite you back to their hotel room for punch and “Truth Or Dare”. That combo is the WORST.

    This is something I actually had to tell my evil subconscious twin today. I am a sad, sad, sad, sad person.

    God damn you, Will. God damn you.

  6. OMG GAY PORN?

    No.

    But I hate having to scroll down nervously in public places while checking my Tumblr just in case there is.

    Nothing against it, but could we… could we keep the GP on the DL?

    Thanks.

    Love Will.

  7. COLLEGE BY NUMBERS

    Number of times I’ve smelled illegal substances: 7.

    Number of times I’m to blame for that: ZERO.

    Number of times I’ve heard squeaking sounds and derelict moaning from the dorm room next door: ZERO.

    Percentage I’m beginning to believe that Animal House doesn’t really happen: 66.

    Days I’ve been at school so therefore I can’t really make an opinion: 4.

    Amount of dollars my textbooks were: 350.

    Amount of appreciation for my parents at this very moment: 6 BAZILLION HUNDRED MILLION TRILLION

    Amount of friends I’ve made: Too freakin’ many, but I’m not complaining

    Amount of fun I’m having: THEBIGGESTEFFINGNUMBERTIMESHOLYSHNIKEYS.

    So yeah. College. Woot. Reblog if you have your own COLLEGE BY NUMBERS. 

    ~Will

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