For the blog where I get all philosophical and stuff, go here: Socrates' Closet

Hi there.

My name is William Sisskind, and I am a poor college student.

This is a catch-all of the random thinkings and ponderments that I have over the course of the day. There are many. A hojillion, if you will.

I am an expert at many types of cheeses, I remodel old computers to make humans their dirty slaves, and I enjoy sipping monkey picked tea whilst watching the execution of wanted criminals.

I also do this webshow: You should check it out. Sorry, scratch that. You must check it out. Pigeons will peck out your eyes at my command if you don't.

No, I will not date you.

  1. So You Wanna Make A Porno

    For Tumblr Tuesday, a quick 10-step guide to making a porno how I see fit.

    1. You’re probably only making this porn flick to get off, so why don’t you go ahead and cast yourself first.

    2. Cast a hot broad. Okay, scratch that. Cast a moderately cute indie broad. Indie is the new mainstream these days, which is kind of fsxked up in the first place, but right now that doesn’t matter. Either way, she should have pleasant breasts.

    3. Odd locations are best. Smut viewers are sick and tired of the old bedroom/bathroom/parents’ couch shtick. FInd somewhere ridiculous, like the middle of the ocean. Or the drug store. Or a drug store in the ocean. Make it work. If all else fails, film it in space. Pathetic dudes love naked chicks in space.

    4. Make sure there’s some dumb story to go along with the sex. For example, she’s a schoolgirl who’s done something naughty, and the only payment is to be naughty for the principal. Or: she’s a trumpeter who can’t blow so well, but she can do other things. Cliched storylines will work, but if you can be original, you’ll be one of a kind. If all else fails, film it in space.

    5. Not too hairy. This goes for both sides. Exception: Dudes must not be too clean either.

    6. Try various positions. The old missionary-doggy-cowgirl-money shot progression just doesn’t cut it anymore. One that is quite exquisite: the lotus-milk and water-scissor-climax. It requires some risky business, so you may want to use extra protection. Especially on the scissor part.

    7. Remember that some TV and internet voyeurs are very quick to the punch while others take their sweet time. In that case, the average length of your porn should be between 20 and 25 minutes.

    8. The climax should be cheesy and overblown. Make a volcano explode or a lightbulb explode or a car explode or the White House explode. Explosions are key here, as is the quality of the O-face.

    9. When it comes to the money shot, have your guy shout “MONEY!” This lets the audience know that your movie is over, but alerts them of the proper time to let loose their unborn children and/or love juices. If they do not or can not or already have, you may have unbalanced the flow of your movie.

    10. Remember to keep the names of your girls on tap for future productions. Unless they become old/have kids/have surgery/suddenly become very, very ugly, they’ll probably oblige if you have the cash money. If all else fails, you can film it in space… with aliens. Awwwwww yeah.

    Good luck, and happy… well, you know.
    ~Will

  2. KREATIVE’S Best Of The Decade!

    Alright. Ten years have gone by. Long gone are the days of face-sized cell phones, good cartoons, and George Bush. Remember those days? Yeah, so do I.

    However, I think that at the cusp of a new era, we should take a look back at the past decade and see the best (and worst) that spawned from its Y2K womb. Let’s go.

    Read More

  3. List of Really Annoying Stufff (as posted by Kylie)

    kyliescanvas:

    rickhawk:

    • Going through the drive thru, then having to go back when they screw your order up.
    • Airline speak (like: “The lavatories ARE equipped with smoke detectors, so DO refrain…”)
    • People who give their kids weird names.
    • Celebrities claiming to be environmentalists.
    • When people are using arm rests on both sides of you.
    • People who buy animals, only to get rid of them a week later because it was harder to take care of them than they thought.
    • Unsolicited advice.
    • People who say the time like “Eight AM in the morning”.
    • Roadmaps that aren’t folded correctly.
    • People who refuse to expand their musical horizons.

    Forget everything besides the last one. THAT is what bothers me most.

    Like, I’ve listened to screamo and country. I know now that I dislike them to the fullest extent, but at least I’ve LISTENED to them. Meanwhile, my friend won’t even TRY to listen to The Beatles. What?… I mean… really.

    BTW Kylie, sorry my blog’s just stealing all of your stuff.

  4. What I’ve Done This Summer

    - Started a webshow
    - Stayed single
    - Drank lots of bubble tea
    - Went to the gym at least once a week
    - Made new friends
    - Drove everywhere
    - Found out that now other people can drive everywhere
    - Performed in front of people
    - GOT MAH MACBOOK
    - Videochatted with some awesome folks (you know who you are)
    - GOT PSYCHED FOR COLLEGE

    Yeah, I’d say I accomplished much. Fourteen days. The countdown begins.

    ~Will 

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